Chrissy 0:00
The environment we grew up in wasn't safe and stable. There were drugs involved. And I witnessed and experienced a lot of physical, mental and emotional trauma. I remember thinking, when is someone coming to rescue us and why isn't anyone helping us. I also remember making a vow to myself that when I got out of this place, I would make a difference in the world. And if I ever had a family, I would raise my kids the exact opposite of how we were being raised. So years later, before I even became a dog trainer, my husband and I brought two boxer pups bill and Zoey into our lives so that we could practice and learn how to be the best parents we could be. The parallels of raising dogs and kids are uncanny. Little did I know these two little maniacs would change the trajectory of my life. Welcome to the dogs of our lives Podcast. I'm Chrissy Messick your host and owner of the nature of animals, my dog training and behaviour consulting business, this podcast is your place to dive into real life stories of transformation with dogs and their human guardians. Having spent seven years working closely with humans in their dogs, I've witnessed firsthand how these relationships can change lives. Now I'm excited to share those experiences with you. As we explore life with our animal companions. Get ready to hear journeys from challenging behaviours to heartwarming successes, and everything in between. Our episodes will feature personal stories from clients, colleagues, and professionals all centred around our favourite animal companion friends. Each week, you'll gain insights and valuable tools from those who have walked the path you're on with your dog will discuss mindset shifts, growth, training, tips, lessons learned, and so much more. By the end of each episode, you'll feel inspired, have a deeper understanding of your dog and walk away with actionable steps to improve both of your lives. Are you ready for a healthy and long lasting relationship with your dog? Then let's dig in together. Oh, hello, and welcome to our first ever episode of The Dogs of our lives podcast with me, Chrissy, I'm excited to be here, and I'm so happy that you are here to in our first episode, I'll be sharing my story. I figure that if I'm asking guests to come on here and be vulnerable and share their stories, I should do the same. And this episode you'll learn about how my childhood shaped me into who I am today how animals nature and sports saved me how animals taught me to be the best parent I can be the parallels of raising dogs and kids. And my journey of going from my first career of sports medicine to my second career of dog training and energy work. Let's begin our journey. Oh, my husband, Kevin, and I got married when we were 34. And about a year later, we both decided to bring a puppy into our lives to help us learn how to raise a family in a way that was based on trust and not fear or punishment. We wanted to get a boxer because they are hilarious. And they match both of our sense of humour. This is where the real learning began. Now you may ask how is raising a dog the same as raising kids? Well, my friend it is quite similar because dogs just like humans have emotions, needs, motivations, specific ways they communicate, and bad days where they don't feel good, whether it be physically mentally or emotionally, which can really affect their behaviour. One difference is realising that dogs are a different species. And we have to take that into account and understand that aspect of them. But I promise you, they aren't trying to dominate you or take over the world. They are simply trying to express their needs, how they're feeling, exhibiting innate behaviours that come with the species and they just want to feel safe. Like all of us. Our kids are trying to do the same as they navigate this crazy world. behaviours in any species are just a symptom or reflection of how they are feeling and what they're needing on the inside. It's not good or bad. It just is. Looking back now on this I didn't realise how much I didn't know about dogs, but I thought I knew and how ignorant I was about certain things and how intuitive I was about other things. Kevin and I searched around for boxer breeders and didn't realise we had found what is called a backyard breeder. This was our first mistake. We went to this person's house and was met in the driveway behind a chain link fence, a barking dog no human was around. We were a little weary but went through the gate which we probably shouldn't have done to the back of the house in the yard where we met the woman. So the first thing she said was how did you get in through the gate and walked by our guard dog usually doesn't let people come in which this should have been another red flag for us. Turns out that the dog was the litters dad, and we weren't allowed to see the mother because she quote unquote, had issues whatever that man and this should be another red flag for us. We were just so excited to meet the puppies and it didn't cross our minds to think about genetics. We of course pick the most vocal and interactive puppy and she joined Did our family when she was eight weeks old, and this is Zoey, she barked and how the whole way home which was about an hour, and maybe this should have been another red flag. So once again, we named her Zoe and she and Kitty babe, who was our cat at the time got along really well. Later that year, we received a check in the mail with a small refund from the breeder with no explanation. But I had a feeling it was because of all the other puppies had issues too. Intuitively, we did some great things with Zoey plenty of physical mental stimulation and activity, taking some time off to spend time with her or at home until she was comfortable, and socialisation. What we didn't realise is that she had separation anxiety or distress, was selective with certain dogs and would have medical issues down the road that would affect her behaviour as well. Our first clue came when we had to go back to work and we left her in the crate. And we came back a little while later and found her barking and her mouth and nose was all bloody from trying to get out of the crate. This broke my heart. So I knew we couldn't leave her alone, we would end up rotating times being gone and would sometimes bring her to work, which thank goodness my colleagues were understanding with it was becoming stressful and frustrating. And at this point, we thought she needed a company. And so that's when we decided to get another boxer puppy. And she was about seven or eight months old at this time. Okay, so for those of you that have a dog with separation, anxiety or distress, I do not recommend going out to get a dog to fix this. And any, you know, separation anxiety specialists will tell you that this doesn't fix the problem. So I just want to put that out there. But for us, it was a management situation that worked well. So we found another breeder, still a backyard breeder, but we did a better job of researching. And I've now learned the difference between a backyard breeder and a qualified breeder who actually knows what they're doing and the motivation behind it. And this is such important information to know. So I understand why there are breeders but there are too many dogs in the shelters looking for homes as well. Anyway, just a little squirrel tangent right there. So we went to the breeders house and met the mom and dad and Zoey got to pick out which puppy she wanted. It was really cute, they picked out each other and they were best friends for their whole life. We named him Bill and he had no behaviour issues at all, both parents had no medical or behavioural issues, and the parents were wonderful. So this kind of solved our separation issue, but it didn't fix it. But it was a great management fix for us. So Bill and Zoey were about eight to 10 months apart, it was actually easier to have two dogs instead of one because they would tire each other out. And it helped with our separation anxiety issue. Shortly after we got Bill, our cat kitty Bay passed away from old age, Kitty baby ruled the roost with him but he was also very tolerant of the puppies. So when Zoey got around the age of one to one and a half years old, she started to exhibit behaviours that we didn't like such as pulling and reactivity, being more wary of humans and some other things that I can't even remember anymore. But I remember feeling upset and frustrated and not sure what to do. And I remember at one point I spanked her and then I felt so bad because I was repeating what I learned as a young child, you know, punishment, and spanking was the least of it. But I remember thinking thinking to myself, I have to look inward and figure out one. Why is this making so me so angry when she does these things in to how do I teach her in a in a different way that is kind you know what I would like her to do instead. So And Zoey was around around two years of age, we had our first daughter Riley, who wasn't an easy baby. We found out later she had colic and sensory processing issues. But we moved to Colorado from Washington state. Now don't laugh, but I started researching this thing called dog training, I had no clue that it would change my life. So of course, while doing my research, I only looked at the surface level and for a quick fix and what looked good. This led me to working with a company that used a shot caller and they said and did all the right things and they said that they would fix her. This was just an awful experience. The first session I witnessed my dog screaming and trying to get away and I felt sick to my stomach. But I thought they're professionals they know more than I do, you know, yada yada. During the second session, they had all the dogs laying on the ground next to each other and I told the trainer, my dog is getting ready to attack the dog next to her and the trainer quote unquote trainer ignored me and then I told the dogs Guardian the same thing. Sure enough,
Zoey attacked the dog next door and I thought this is just so stupid and we never went back again. And I also thought it just just doesn't feel right and it brought me back you know back To the bad childhood memories that I had. And one thing that we did was to continue to put the collars on them for about a month, but we never used them because they seem to behave, quote unquote, behave better with the collars on. And so what I know now is that they were just shutting down they were, they weren't showing any behaviours so they wouldn't get punished. And this makes me so sad to know that now, but it was a good lesson for me. So at the end of the month, I took bill to get his Canine Good Citizen certification and take the test at the Humane Society, Boulder Valley. And he had his collar on at this point. The teacher trainer told me that it wasn't allowed. And I asked why? Because I genuinely just didn't know or understand. But she didn't really answer me. And she just said they weren't allowed. So anyway, Bill passed all of his testing parts, except the one where a scary person walks in the room, and does all the weird things, Bill lost it and started barking, because of course, he's a boxer. He failed that part. So we had to retake the the test about two weeks later, just that part of the test. And since we couldn't use the collar, I just thought, Okay, well, we'll go to a doggy daycare and sit in the lobby on Halloween, as scary people dressed up, you know, walked by, and I'll just give him a treat every now and then. So he ended up passing his test. And that was the beginning of me learning about positive reinforcement. And I threw the collars away and never looked back. During this time, Riley was about seven months old to a year old. And I remember feeling so frustrated and angry about her behaviour because I didn't understand her behaviours, and I didn't know what to do. So once again, I spanked her one time. And that was the one and only time I caught myself and I thought, once again, why are you so angry? And how can you learn to do better what's going on inside me that causes me to feel and react this way. So at this point, I went from my sports medicine career, you know, working at the collegiate elite and private level, to volunteering at the Humane Society of Boulder Valley, in the training and behaviour centre. And at the same time learning about animal communication, which is another something that we can talk about another day, but I thought it was a little crazy, but I just had to trust my gut and what I was doing. So I did both of these for about six years. Truly learning about dogs dog behaviour, how they learn and how their emotions affect their behaviour. And I learned this through volunteering at the you know, the training centre, working with challenging dogs, but also by being around dogs, pet sitting dog walking, and just really getting a lot of practical experience. And I also learned how to heal myself through the animal communication, energy work, you know, working on inner triggers mindset stuff, emotional work. And this is really helped me to learn how to connect with them on a deeper level. It's taken time to get in my own head. But it's pretty cool. And I continue to learn more and more about myself, others and dogs. So after about six years of learning and healing, I got certifications in dog training and counselling in animal communication. These are my Certified Professional dog training certifications, my academy for dog trainer certification, which is about a two year programme, and then my animal energy certification training, which was about a year programme. I opened my own dog training and animal communication business and I have been helping dogs and their human guardians for the past seven years. So this is just kind of the middle part of my story. And I want to take you back to how my childhood shaped who I am today. So I was born into a life filled with animals. I didn't realise it then. But they shaped me and provided a safe space and support throughout my childhood. They were always reliable and provided stability during a time where I was in survival mode most of the time. I was born in 1970 in San Francisco. And my mom was 17. She was just a child herself. And one of my daughters is 17. So I can't even imagine her having a baby right now. And my dad was 21 and had just come home from the Vietnam War where he received a Purple Heart. My first memory of being around animals when I was around two years old, living with a bunch of cats and an apartment. And I actually confirmed this with my mom, just to make sure I wasn't dreaming of things. But she sent me a picture of me sitting you know, by 13 Cats kittens. And so there were always cats in our home. My mom and dad were married about five years before they got a divorce. And so I was around five years old when they got a divorce and between the ages of five to nine I remember spending a lot of time at my grandma and grandpa's house on my mom's side in the Pleasant Hill Walnut Creek, California area. So they had a dog named Pasquali, and her nickname was squatty. She was a little dachshund mix, which my mom actually bought from a pet store while in high school and smuggled her into her house and kept her in a room until my grandma grandpa found out and then she Got just into a little bit of trouble. My grandma didn't like animals but my grandpa loved squatty so she lived with them. Things that I remember about living with them crispy potatoes hearing the song reminiscing by Little River Band if any of you guys remember that song, playing slap Jack with my grandma having nightmares that Bert and Ernie were trying to kill me. And to this day, I do not like Sesame Street. I remember seeing my grandpa, you know, sitting quietly in his chair with his amputated leg. He was in a world war two and was a prisoner of war. I remember watching him work with rocks and make jewellery that I still have to this day. He was a rock hand and I also remember exploring his big rig. He was also a truck driver. Also during this time, my mom had her second husband when I was around six or seven and we moved to Martinez, California with my new stepsister who was about the saint. We were the same age and we still are very, very close. Wow. My dad met his second wife, who is still currently his wife and Luckily she's a great stepmom. And they moved to Pittsburg, California and had a son who is my currently my half brother. So my dad always had cats when we lived in Pittsburgh. But he took it to the next level when he brought home a 60 pound Ocelot into our family. So I know I know we've had many discussions about this. But here's the story. From a little kid my dad found out there was a tiger quote unquote, living up the road in someone's house and he didn't believe it. So he walked into the house and knocked on the door and sure enough, there was an ocelot, not a tiger laying on the couch. My dad ended up taking the ocelot home after I heard a story and realised that the husband wasn't treating the cat very well. And he named and named him t grey. De Grey story is sad and is typical of what happens to a lot of wild animals because of human greed. My dad learned that T Grey was poached in South America as a kitten on the way to the US he was declared and defamed and spent three years in a Vallejo pet store in a six foot by three foot foot cage for somebody bought him. My dad gave him the best home that he could, knowing he couldn't be released back into the wild in the sanctuaries, quote unquote, we're kind of sketchy back in the 70s. So they went hiking a lot up into the woods in Lake Tahoe and he would just let them off leash and let the grey explore. The one big memory I have of T Grey is going into my dad's room and T Grey was just laying on the bed and I was around seven or eight and I saw him and I started slowly backing up and T grade jumped off the bed and follow me into the hall until you know I was backed into the corner. I remember he was up on his back legs and his two front paws were on either side of my head against the wall. And once again, I thought it was gonna die. But my dad called them away. I remember t grey wandering around the house a lot, but at dinnertime he had his own safe place to eat. My dad also rescued a barn owl that fell out of a nest and he named her lib Libby which is short for liberty. And everyone lived in peace for a while until my dad realised that maybe it wasn't that safe to have a Wildcat and a bird living in the same space. So we ended up taking Libby to a bird sanctuary Thank goodness. At around the age of nine, my mom, her husband and my set stepsister moved to Carol's Washington, which is about two hours south of Seattle, we lived on top of a mountain in a trailer with about 25 acres surrounding us. I lived there from the ages of nine to 16 years old and it was the hardest time in my life. But where I also learned about who and who I did and didn't want to be. And they ended up having two children, my mother, my half sister and my other half brother, the environment we grew up in wasn't safe and stable. There were drugs involved and I witnessed and experienced a lot of physical, mental and emotional trauma. I won't go into detail about most of it. But some examples include being forced to use that Redman tobacco, so we wouldn't start using it, which doesn't make any sense to me. Being told I was stupid every day and then being forced to watch my mom's husband chop off the chicken's heads who were my friends. This type of parenting style, a punishment, fear and intimidation based and lack of emotional unavailability deeply affected me and all of my siblings. My way to stay safe was to basically just shut down and not express myself in a way that would upset them. And just to be a good girl,
this can also be called learned helplessness, nothing works. So you just stopped trying. On the outside, I looked fine. But deep down, I was angry and scared and I just would put all of my emotions into my journal. I remember in middle school running away from school and getting into fights. From this personal experience. I can deeply empathise with the animals who are going through this when I'm working with clients who need help with their dogs that have quote unquote, behaviour issues. I remember thinking when Is someone coming to rescue us and why isn't anyone helping us? I also remember making a vow to myself that when I got out of this place I would make a difference in the world. And if I ever had a family, I would raise my kids the exact opposite of how we were being raised. I focus my energy and attention to not make any waves and I really focused on sports animals in nature to kind of keep me sane. During this time, I think there was something someone watching over me. We eventually had a farm with chickens and roosters, pigs and ducks and a goat and three dogs. Sasha was a Great Dane Heba was an Irish setter, and Pepe was a yellow lab. The dogs lived outside and dog houses like a lot of dogs did during that time. During this time, I know my dad kind of felt helpless, I would go down to California to visit him once one to two times a year. He didn't really know what was going on, he would try to ask but I had learned just not to share my emotions and just be shut down and not to cause any problems. It was just safer not to say anything. So these animals as well as the forest were a source of comfort during these hard times. I remember my sister and I wandering around the woods and hanging out with the animals a lot. We would hang out with the dogs in the yard all of the time, and I spent a lot of time in the chicken coop. And I remember falling backwards in the duck pond for fun. I remember the pigs always escaping which I was happy for them and our poor goat Roscoe being tied to a post. And now it makes sense why he was angry all the time. One time I remember going over to our neighbor's house who had horses for some reason they put me on one of the horses bareback and the horse took off running through the woods jumping over logs and trees. And I thought once again, I'm gonna die and I just said to my 10 year old self, hold on tight to the main and squeeze your legs as tight as you can and make yourself as small as you can. So I did this squeeze my eyes shut and held on for dear life. The horse eventually returned back to the stable and I was shaking and happy to be alive. When I was 16 years old, they finally got a divorce and me my mom, half sister and a half brother moved to town in Longview Kelso Washington into a park and apartment. My stepsister and her dad stayed on the mountain in the trailer. And sadly, I don't know what happened to all of the animals after that. At this point in time, I just focused on sports and getting the heck out of there to go to college. I ended up going to Washington State University and was trying to decide between vet school and spend sports medicine. I ended up choosing sports medicine because I couldn't stand the thought of animals being in pain or hurt. My sophomore year in college I had a parakeet named stud boy who was super fun and used to hang out around around my neck. And my junior year I rescued a long hair black and white tuxedo cat named Kitty Babe and Kitty babe was my constant companion through college at Washington State to grad school in Indiana, where I got my master's in kinesiology to a year long internship in Colorado Springs at the Olympic Training Centre, all the way back to Seattle for my first job as an athletic trainer at the University of Washington where I met my husband Kevin, and we got married in 2004. This brings us to my first career in sports medicine, which was about 20 years long, I worked at the University of Washington as an athletic trainer with volleyball, men's and women's rowing, softball and tennis. And what this means is that I would evaluate or assess injuries or illnesses, and either rehab them back to playing their sport or refer them to the team doc and work with the team doc to get them back to their sport. Sometimes this meant surgery or helping them heal from broken broken bones and then rehabbing them back to full play for their sport. I also did this with two Olympic teams, US Women's Soccer for the 2000 Olympics, and US women's basketball for the 2004 Olympics. Shockingly, my dog training and behaviour consulting career is very similar to my athletic training career. And the fact that we evaluate and assess refer to a vet if needed, and create a training plan to rehab them. So going from sports medicine to dog training wasn't that big of a leap there. It was very familiar to me. So through this journey with my dogs, what I'm most grateful for is learning about positive reinforcement, and how we build trust in a relationship by teaching them working through emotions or medical issues that are the root cause of many behaviour issues, not punishment, fear or intimidation. So going through all of this has taught me to use the same principles of raising our two girls, really understanding my triggers, responding instead of reacting, giving them a choice, even if it's sometimes not the best choice and providing a safe space for them. This was a secret sauce that I've been looking for my whole life. And dogs taught me this, you know, our dogs taught us this punishment, pain, fear and intimidation is not needed and I will die on that hill. And when I'm talking about you know, punishment, pain, fear, I'm talking about shock collars, prong collars corrections, and just yelling or, you know, physical, you know, hitting anything like that and some awful mindsets that caused us to do do terrible things to her dogs because we think we need to be the alpha or dominant. And that's just BS, our dogs and children deserve better. And we deserve to treat ourselves better to by learning the root cause of behaviours. So our girls now are 17 and 13 years old today, and they are so much fun, and they're great kids, we have a wonderful relationship with them based on trust, we've developed this relationship by creating a safe space for them, giving them choice instead of trying to control them, asking them you know about their deeper feelings behind the behaviours, understanding our feelings related to their behaviours, and digging deep for any medical issues related to behaviour and a combo of fun and responsibility. Each child is different, and we respect their differences without trying to make them into something they aren't. And we have awareness of our own expectations. We teach them away that is kind and you know, what we would like them to do versus punishing or yelling at them to stop them what they're doing. And we've learned all of this from Bill and Zoey, and all the dogs in our lives. And we've applied it to our kids. You know, we're not perfect parents by any means. But we do our best and we have awareness. So Bill and Zoey passed away quite a few years years ago. And in the meantime, we've fostered a few dogs, the last dog we fostered was a foster failure. And, you know, I said, our next dog needs to be just calm and relaxed, because life is stressful right now. And so we ended up, you know, fostering a dog named Kira, but we ended up we just failed. And so we changed her name to ginger. And we've had her for four years now. She came from Arkansas from a hoarding situation. And I remember the first couple of days we had her, we were in the backyard and a dog and their human walked by and ginger jumped the fence and attack the dog, even though the place where she came from said she was dog friendly. And so to me, this wasn't a problem because she was super chill at home and being a trainer with the skills to work with her and her dog reactivity, it was not an issue. And so initially, she was very shut down and was scared to offer any behaviours. So we just went at her pace, we let her dictate when to interact with us, and we just let her be. And we had no expectations and she has slowly come out of her shell. She's She's hilarious and goofy and super sweet and loves learning now, and has become super cuddly on her own terms, which we listened to. She's really helped me develop my nuanced Dog Dog interaction skills, and now she has eight doggy friends. So I now have the skills, awareness, emotional intelligence and mindset to work with her in a way that builds trust, her reactivity is no longer a trigger for me, like it used to be with our previous dogs in the past. So having worked with clients over the past seven years and collaborating with colleagues, I've just come to realise that yes, while we while we do spend time working with a dog, and teaching them skills, a lot of the time is spent on human education about the dog that is part of their family, looking at mindset expectations, understanding behaviours, and body language, emotions, you know, looking at their values and beliefs and just unlearning a lot of what they have learned with some of the really bad information that is out there. This really helps to build a relationship based on trust and understanding and not fear and misunderstanding. So I want to be clear that teaching your dogs and kids in this way is not in any way being permissive or letting them get away with everything. It's about clear communication, safe boundaries, and a healthy emotional foundation that creates healthy behaviours. So here I am today, wanting to share this message in a world that desperately needs more connections and healthy relationships with humans and nonhumans. That's why I'm starting this podcasts and creating online courses that are coming soon. Because more real stories need to be heard and people need to be supported, inspired and healed. And the best part is that we can do this and learn this through the dogs in and of our lives. Oh, well.
There you go. That's my story. And I hope you enjoyed listening to my journey. Thank you so much for taking the time to be a part of my story. I hope it inspired you and helped you in some way. Today. Just to recap, we explored how my childhood animals nature and sports shaped me into who I am today. We delved into how my early trauma influenced my values, beliefs and mindset, especially in working with animals and kids. I shared why aversive techniques are damaging to the emotional well being of dogs and how this philosophy directly impacts my parenting style. You also learned about my transition from sports medicine to dog training and the surprising similarities between the two fields. If you know of anyone who would benefit from hearing the story, please share it with them. My hope is to remind people that they aren't alone in whatever they are going through I'd love to hear your thoughts, ideas or suggestions about this episode. If there are topics you want to hear about or can relate to, I'm all ears. Thank you for joining me on this journey. And until next time, be curious, show compassion and have courage. Thank you so much for investing your time and energy into you and your dog and listening to this episode. Dogs truly are special beings and can change lives if we're open to what they have to teach us. This not only impacts you and your dog but can also make a positive impact on the world. If you're finding value in this podcast, the best way to support us is by leaving a review up to five stars and sharing it with your family, friends and fellow dog lovers around the world. Lastly, I'd love to connect with you. You can find me on Instagram and Facebook at the nature of animals and visit my website at WWW dot the animal nature.com. Enjoy spending time with your pup this week and I look forward to connecting with you again next week.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
